thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
