I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
