Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She has the best kind of daddy issues
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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