i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
