I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
