This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
