The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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