Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
