one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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