I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
