Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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