this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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