Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
