your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
