I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
