The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
