I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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