im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
