Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
