Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
