somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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