Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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