She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
