So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
