I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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