Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
