he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
