saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
