Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
