I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
