how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
