Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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