where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
