One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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