Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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