I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
