So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
