Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
