What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
