Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
