Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
