I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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