New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
