Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
