I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
