I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
