I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
