I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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