he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
