My brain says no but my pants say off.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
