In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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