I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
