8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
