She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
