I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
