are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
