let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just forgot I was standing up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize