Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
