she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
