dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
