he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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