paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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