My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
