Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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