this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nutella sex= disaster
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
