I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
