I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
