Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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