she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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