I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
