I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
