You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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