Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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